june media recap
ah shit here we go again
The sun is out and I’m starting to feel happier. I’m trying to work on my social anxiety these days by pushing myself to say yes more and spend time with the people I love. I’m also on a pursuit to connect with my creativity more. I’m trying to write more, sing more, bake more, cook more. I’m also trying to do it (outside of what goes out on my Substack) without the purpose of releasing it. Somewhere along the short time I’ve been publishing my work, I internalized the belief that I had to write for other people to read it. Instead of writing things because I love it, I’ve spent more time thinking about how it would land. If anyone would even care. That belief has nourished my inner critic in the worst way and made me comfortable having long stretches of not writing at all. To chip away at that, I’ve been challenging myself to put pen to paper every day. Even if it’s gibberish, especially if it’s gibberish. I’m hoping that I can write through the bad to get to the good. Bad writing is better than no writing, right?
Anyways, June was fun for media. Let us commence the recap.
📚Reads
“Writer’s Block or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Writing Again” by Haaniyah Angus
A beautiful and biting essay about writer’s block, negative self-talk, productivity and navigating the world with a chronic illness. So much of it smacked me in the face and I was left unravelling myself for days. A great read for young writers or anyone who thinks they should be doing more than what they’re doing right now.
“There’s No Such Thing as Getting Ahead” by Rainesford Stauffer [Time]
A lot of us have been raised with the expectation to adhere to timelines. We should be married, have our dream job, own a home, bought a car, have a diverse investment portfolio and have mastered the delicate art of the work life balance by a certain age. Our ability to achieve those things often gets interwoven with our worth, ambition and work-ethic. So if we’re not able to achieve these ridiculous made up goals by these ridiculous made up deadlines, it feels like a moral failing. We (I) let ourselves (myself) believe that we are bad, lazy, stupid people because other people are *further* ahead than we are. None of it is real! This essay reminded me to return to myself rather than being held captive by the fallacy of ambition. (I’d also recommend this author’s new book All the Gold Stars, which serves as broader review and analysis of ambition, its origins and its societal impact. I’m only about a third of a way through and it’s been helpful for me so far!)
“The Year in Stupid Tattoos I’m Sure I Won’t Regret” by Scaachi Koul
I’m getting another silly little tattoo on Friday and decided to revisit one of my favourite essays. Growing up, I never thought I’d be a person who’d ever want a tattoo. A lot of that had to do with the perverse expectation of purity that is projected on to women (esp. in the Punjabi community). I thought it would make me less proper, less desirable, less feminine somehow. Then, when I finally decided I wanted one, I agonized over the permanence of it. What if I get something stupid? My parents’ voices echoed in my head, “think about how it’ll look when you’re old and wrinkly!!!!” The presumption that I’d inevitably hate anything I chose held me back from ever getting one. That exact things holds me back from doing a lot of things.
I got my first tattoo last fall with my best friend in Portugal. A little shooting star. It meant nothing to me. I ascribed a flimsy metaphor to it after so I’d have something to say when people asked me about it. My next two came that December: an eye on my ankle and paper airplane on my arm. Simply put, I was sad and wanted to feel something. They’re hopelessly stupid and I love them all the same. I love that at any point I can spend a little money on a little adornment and know that the only person it really affects, the only person who really gets to decide is me. Everyone else can have their feelings about it. But these silly little drawings are mine. There’s something sacred about that. I’ll keep collecting these silly nothings for as long as I can.
🎧Listens
One Woman (Adekunle Gold and Ty Dolla Sign)
I Know You (Faye Webster)
A TikTok trend has found its way into my music taste again and I’m not mad about it. Love me some good old fashion pining white woman music. Would recommend.
I Want to Be Like You (Ora the Molecule)
Sung by Norwegian avant-pop artist Ora the Molecule, I stumbled on this song through its music video that utilizes the stylings of 70s Bollywood to depict the absurdity and pervasiveness of the male gaze. Quickly made its way into my regular rotation.
🎥 Movies
Past Lives (2023)
Beautiful, deliberate, tender and heartbreaking. I’m going to share my journal entry from immediately after watching this film with a more in-depth look at how it made me feel but I’d highly recommend watching. I love films that make me reconsider what love means. This movie did that.
Ponniyan Selvan 1+2
SLB could neverrrrr. I love me a good period piece and this was beautifully shot with phenomenal performances. There were a lot of characters and plots to keep track of but there was a lot of heart. It really examined how fallible monarchy is while examining how deification is ultimately at the mercy of the individual’s desires and actions. There’s pain, vengeance, love, friendship, honour. And it was fun! Not perfect but one of the best Indian period pieces I’ve seen in a very long time.
📺 T.V.
The Bear
Watch it!!!!! It’s really good!!!! It’s about food and family and love and trauma and growth and identity. The world building is done exceedingly well and the characters are so charming and endearing and flawed. Lots to love here. Including really cool cinematography and the people’s princess Ayo Edebiri.
That’s all from me this month. Hoping you’re all doing well and enjoying the summer weather. I’m just about between shows right now (I’m almost done Veep) and looking for new recommendations—please send them my way <3